Tuesday, October 13, 2009

it's been awhile...

her table's filled with stacks and stacks of jumbled up notes, of auditing, accounting theory... she, poised calm from the exterior, is frantically panicking on the inside, yet the mask conceals well enough, in her little opinion. there's a stack of receipts yet to be accounted for, a list of errands to run, forms to be filled, obligatory meet ups that's long overdue, pictures yet to be edited and upload, unwritten replies to emails that are written from the heart, issues to be dealt with, and four toughest final year final semester papers. Oh, the poker face pulled it quite well indeed, my dear.

Slicing herself a little bit today, she wrote on her little diary/planner: " I've missed you too, you, you who meant that much to me. I admit, it's partially my fault, for the lack of communication between us. It does take two hands to clap, and the string between us is thinning along with crawling days. I'm not slowing down enough to appreciate the beauty of life, the frugality of a friendship, how painstakingly it takes to build a tower, but only mere minutes to destroy it to flakes of dust. Perhaps, life's just throwing too many lemons and apples at me at this time; attempts to make the perfect pint of lemonades out of lemon itself is tough enough, what about the apples? and the peaches, watermelons and soda? One thing at a time, she reminded herself. But would the other things wait, or would situation keep changing at the speed of sound whilst she browse through the other duties in life instead? Maybe some things are damaged to the extent we have to learn to throw it aside, and purchase a replacement instead. She's still not willing to let go, for memories and flashbacks are pain, and the pain is unbearable. no, not at this time, when lemonades must be made out of lemons.... "

the chocolate bar with the wrapper stating p.s. missed you still sits at the corner in the candy filled drawer, every time she slides the drawer open, she's reminded again. and she smiles. it'll be worth it in the end, somehow. oh, time heals? really? she still haven't found truth to that popular statement. time doesn't heal, it just fades memories, which can be recalled through the flick of old pictures, or just an old familiar place. familiarity breeds comfort. she's too used to her comfort zone. needs to learn to throw herself out to the big bad world. toughen herself up, sharpening the knife for war. kit kat bites and lollipops. oreo cheesecakes are temporary cheer givers. oh the rain. the rain is calming. and she pens down, a jumbled up post, with a jumbled up feeling.

Life in Technicolor ii - Coldplay ♫